Where does hope come from? Where does hope come from, where you are kneeled for what it seems to be a countless time?
Sure it’s to be counted. It is to be counted, only that you’ve lost track. Loosing track wouldn’t be a problem, because you can always go back and fill in the gaps; or you can find the people who can fill in the gaps for you.
The matter is: Do you truly wish to know?
Do you truly wish to know when it was when you broke the first time? Do you truly want to find out what made it to that moment of first pain?
This is where hope comes from: It comes from knowing. It comes from questioning the questions themselves. It comes from putting yourself through the downs and lifting yourself up for as many times as it takes, to reach that moment when all which you have lived gets objectified.
Yes, objectified. It’s only when you are able to watch your own life as you’d be watching a movie that you begin to get a grasp of what it is that you’re going through. Why on earth may you be willing to objectify your experiences? After all, this shall rub you of the wallowing, the self-victimizing and the blaming discourses you’ve kept telling yourself for so long. Oh, let’s get real. There is no one to blame. There is no someone out there who’ll clean the closet for you. The ones who did help with the cluttering?! Guess what? They’re stuck into their own mess. It’s not that they are unwilling – unless it’s gets to an extreme and in fact they are –, it’s that they are incapable to cope with their own lives.
Darkness? Yes. But why don’t you stand up and pull off the curtains wide open? Why don’t you decide to leave the sun light in? Will it shed light on what you don’t wish to see, just yet?
You may not have the strength to stand up on your own. This is another big chunk of the mess. You were never supposed to go through it all alone to begin with. But when every word of slight appreciation has taken years for you to hear from the ones you’ve waited your whole life to see you and hear you, heck yeah, it sucks. It’s unfair. It’s painful. It drives you mad.
Stand up and pull the curtains wide open.
You don’t have to do it all alone. You are not alone. It’ll take you immense strength and brevity to ask for help. You can do it, though. Answer that phone call. You can’t today? It’s all right. Try again tomorrow. Your friend is still there. Your love is willing to stand by you for a lifetime. It’s YOU who must trust.
You must trust that they shall be there for you, to pull of those curtains when you can’t stand up on your own. You must trust that with every lighted morning and every warm hearted conversation, with every moment of your reaching out for help and love, you are only reaffirming your strength. Yes, your strength. Let the ones who unconditionally love you today, remind you of your strength. And believe them. As the moment you don’t, you betray them. And you betray yourself, one more time.
And stay away – run, if you must – from all the ones who keep on conditioning your being. You don’t need them. You are better off without them.
There comes a moment in our lives, you see, when we must take responsibility. This is where hope comes from. It comes from the realisation of these two things: 1. It is you who has the will, or who doesn’t. 2. You are not alone; your strength it’s all the strength of the ones who march alongside you. Let them in.
Pull off the curtains. Get the movie set-up ready. Set light on everything and everyone. Start questioning. Start looking for the answers. Don’t stop until you’ve found the ones that speak your truth. And do it with the love and softness.