It’s not the connotation of guilt, of having done something wrong or regretful, I see in this word. To admit, to acknowledge, to share – is what to confess is to me.
What this year taught me, is that to confess is one of the hardest things. Because this act in itself peals off all layers of protection we’ve wrapped around us, willingly or unwillingly, consciously or unconsciously. It exposes so much vulnerability, so much love and so many dreams, that we do not dare to confess. And if and when we do, it may paralyze us.
What is living without confessing, I ask you? What is a day’s end without breathing through it at sunset? What is a day’s start without knowing where your heart rests? How often do you take time to confess?
It’s an act that requires love and caress. For your faults and virtues, equally. And for the faults and virtues of each person you’ve either chosen to keep, or given to hold, into your life.
This year taught me that unless we start confronting our demons, we’ll be living a circus all through our lives. Without realizing what a fool’s game it all is. Without ever really getting to the bottom of who we are or who we could become. Without understanding that the past is not to be hidden under the doormat just because it hurts and it distortions our beings; without ever daring to wish for what we really, truly, deeply want for ourselves and our lives.
So whatever your demons are, confess, understand and embrace them. From a fear of flights to a messed up childhood, they all await to be awakened just when you don’t need them the most. Therefore, confess. Let them in, invite them sit at the table and start talking. It may take you months or it may take you a lifetime, but it might be the only honest and worth way to live.
Too complicated? Who has time for this? Why would you put yourself through all this… pain? Well, if you picture yourself at the end of your life with no looking back, then you may as well skip it. But if you close your eyes for a moment now, take a few deep breaths and imagine they may the very last ones, then you might as well decide you want to understand and know why is it that you’re living the life you’re living.
Last but not least: your confession may change the lives of the ones you love the most. For the better, I believe. For they will start looking differently at themselves, through you.