Well, it seemed appropriate for this time of the year, too. For when we rest, our minds rest and our hearts speak.

This time last year I was fighting depression. I said I’d write about this experience now and then, so bear with me. It’s actually reveling and this, too, should be taken with a smile. Afterall, the hardest of truths are told with a laugh… one couldn’t put up with the tragedy otherwise. What was I saying?! Ah, last year, at about this time, I was loosing my mind a little, I was going slightly insane. And of course, it was impossible for me to understand the mechanisms of my mind.

I am reading Childhood and Society written by the german psychoanalyst Erik Erikson in 1950.

Erik Erikson was born June 15, 1902 in Frankfurt, Germany. “The common story was that his mother and father had separated before his birth, but the closely guarded fact was that he was his mother’s child from an extramarital union. He never saw his birth father or his mother’s first husband,” reported Erikson’s obituary that appeared in The New York Times in 1994.

His young Jewish mother raised Erik by herself for a time before marrying a physician, Dr. Theodor Homberger. The fact that Homberger was not in fact his biological father was concealed from him for many years. When he finally did learn the truth, he was left with a feeling of confusion about who he really was. This early experience helped spark his interest in the formation of identity.

So nothing is, in fact, by chance. Another book that opened my mind this year towards a different perspective on equally our endurances and accomplishments through life is Bounce, by Matthew Syed, England’s number one table tennis player for many years. What Matthew does is he parts ways with the sentimental mood for a while and looks at the mere facts of his life, at his choices and attitudes, and tries to understand how those – gives facts, choices, attitudes – made him become who he’d become.

It’s so comforting to look at ourselves with a clear eye. To leave the drama out of the story. To understand where we’re coming from and to be able to answers the so many ‘Why?’s along the way. But I tell you a secret: no one else will ever decide for you on what you make out of the glimpse of clarity you get over your identity or chances; no one else will ever be responsible for the choices you make.

What was I saying again?! Ah, what are you doing for New Year’s Eve? 🙂

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