Cross my mind

Here and now

The more I advance in this new life of mine, one full of changes and constant need for adaptation, the more I am convinced nothing is permanent. In the sense that nothing stays the same, there are no eternities and for sure there are no certainties. For anything, from love divine to the guiltiest of pleasures from the greatest of fortunes to the worst of heartaches, may come and may as well go.

This lifts up all the drama. If we could only take each day at the time, what a bliss it would all be. If we could only take each others for who we truly are – or we wish to become, what a relief this would bring. But we crave for eternity, we yearn for forever, we die for a future we have no clue about or for a past we don’t even remember clearly any longer. In between the sorrows and the sights and the hopes, we miss the present and we miss ourselves. Fundamentally, we miss our lives.

Why is it so hard that we take today for what it really means and ourselves for who we really are? Why is it so hard to stand up and say “This is my life today, love it or deny it, it’s mine. This is who I am, rather than judging me, envying me or pitting me, try walk a few blocks in my shoes? That’s all and the best you can do for me.”

I shall not try to convince you there are no “forevers”. I don’t believe we can convince anyone of anything, be it through the best of a logical argument. Words don’t really convince; they ignite a feeling or an emotions, they give one food for thought; but they don’t convince of anything. There is only one situation in which they might: that when they carry within them a story of life. Something that has happened, something that left a trace, something that has become part of someone’s being. But that’s another chapter.

Relationships evolve, loves consume, businesses transform – it all happens every day, under our eyes. It is that easy. We just need to get off the hook of eternity, in its best and worst of expectations. The present, today, is all we have for sure. Don’t wait for the past experiences to vanish completely because they never will. Don’t wait for the future to come for you to start living the life that you want; the future might never be the way you think of it now. Just bring yourselves to this very moment: to hear and now. What do you feel?

We seem to get stuck in the unhappy moments of our lives. In the heartaches, in the breakdowns, in the so perceived misfortunes. In the painful past relationships. Guess what? There must have been at least equally happy moments, ninth skies and remarkable fortunes. Then why not getting hooked on those, instead? Or even better, why not get off all hooks? Why not look at today as a blank sheet of paper, with no stains of old coffee or strawberries or cream, and start writing?

Still waiting for the future…? Ohm, this Fata Morgana of our lives. It’s amazing to dream of the future, it’s absolutely wonderful to know where you want to get. But if you’re not ready to pull up your sleeves and dig in the present, you’re not going to get there, not an inch closer. Don’t get frustrated if tomorrow will not bring what you wished for, precisely how you wished for it. It’s not in the short terms that true things get meaning and weight. It takes time for the future you dream of to manifest. Sometimes, a lot of time. So what if, instead of chasing a Fata Morgana, the whole of her… you’d just start drawing her face today, on your blank sheet of paper? See how she looks like, from where you stand today.

LOVE the present. Love the silence of this very second, when the only noises you hear may be those of the clock on your kitchen wall or the voices of some children on the stairs. Be here, with you, fully. Decide to leave the past where it belongs, without rejecting all the sorrow and all the joy you feel at times when you remember past moments or recall people who left your life; or when they recall you…  Choose to dream of a future greater than you and me, if you wish, and dear to start making it happen. The trick may be to put all your strength, all your energy, all your effort, into building up this very day of yours, exactly as you feel you want it to be. No fears, no regrets. No certainties, no eternities. Just one day at the time.

 

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About Madalina Serban

I love children. I love the sea. I love dancing. I love writing. And I love a man who makes me laugh.

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