City life

(November 1st, 2011)

We made it back to Kathmandu on Saturday, Corine and I. I love her company and I am so happy I have met her. The most beautiful thing is that we can enjoy the silence of each other’s company; I always knew that was the signs you could stay by someone’s side. Our roads crossed despite our willing: both of us had wished to be placed alone back in Chitwan. Yet God, once more, knew better what we needed.

If I look back at the five weeks I’ve spent in the Tarai; I pick up reassurances, for that one single word to describe a feeling, a person, a place … an experience. I have tears in my eyes whilst I write right now, and that block up in my neck. Because it was so hard, this year was so hard. I had known it, I recall that 2^nd of January as if it were yesterday … If it were not for my two dear, dear friends, I don’t think I would have made it through. They did trust in me, truly. They stood beside me, they carried my spirit when it was broken, they accompanied me, many times in silence, as long as I needed. They reassured me of myself. They loved me. And I love them. Alina, I can cry now. And my dear C, I stopped fighting against myself. For good.

My word for life would be trust, for love would be chance, for friendship would be mirror, for joy would be child. For peace, would be patience.

I rest within myself.  I listen to my limitations. I speak my thoughts. I live my life with the deepest sense of who  I am, I have ever had. I welcome the unknown, but I don’t lose myself in it: I don’t need to, any longer. Instead, I find myself in it.

City life, definitely my kind of life. I love the rush and I adore the colors and the senses and the sounds of Kathmandu. I need to feel the pulse of the place I live in, feel it’s alive. Only then, my rhythm would not feel disconnected with what is it that surrounds me. City life makes me feel alive. And I am fire, by all means: I need to burn, I need to heat, I need to smolder within myself at times … and need the presence of water, be it a sea or a river, once in a while, just to rekindle my spirit.